17 October 2008

The Twenty-twelve Touch

If you think the world is going to end in 2012, I've got a proposition for you:

Gimme all your stuff. You won't be needing it.

You heard me:

Gimme all your stuff. You won't be needing it.

You won't be needing your bank accounts, stock portfolios, vacation homes, jewerly, furs, sports cars or sailboats. You needn't fret. Here at Ten Pound Press we are prepared to take these things off your hands ABSOLUTELY FREE OF CHARGE! Don't be burdened with luxuries during the apocalypse. Pass them on to others before the "end of days" so you can be FREE TO ENJOY THE CATACLYSM!

Some of you believe that Twenty-twelve is not a "doomsday" but a New Age. Hey--we're cool with that! Imagine how awkward and out-of-place you will feel around all these Enlightened Beings when you are still chained to your wealth and personal property. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN. Get rid of all that crap. Break your materialistic chains!

Fortunately, you've come to the right place. TPP maintains a mature and sophisticated world-view--we accept all philosphies, religions, creeds and belief systems. No old-school prejudices hold us back from separating suckers and their money. We are as American as P.T. Barnum!

(Stay tuned for our upcoming solution to the "Rapture Racket.")


nancyo said...

Oh My God -- you have just made my day! Right at this very moment in time I have a house guest who has been making my days just a bit trying by discussing in some detail 2012 -- though, oddly, she hasn't yet mentioned giving you all her wordly goods and bank accounts and trusts. I will have to, um, enlighten her. She is immersed in a book titled '2012', given urged on her by a dear (?) friend and I have reached the point where I am hoping it comes soon, like maybe today. I will tell her about your offer; I know she will be interested, maybe even thrilled. Thanks!

Marquard said...

That is brill-fucken-ant, count me in for a hire...I will help orginize those boats, 5,10,20,100 dollar bills and buttons. Imagine all the buttons on those fancy clothes. The whiskey collection will be a sight to.

M.C. O'Connor said...

Learn to look another in the eye, hold their gaze meaningfully, and say "trust me."